Society

THE tidal wave of woe sweeping the UK is such that ordinary, sane adults are actually quite looking forward to Christmas.

BRITAIN was trapped in a 'death spiral' of infinite complaints last night.

ALASTAIR Campbell is exactly the same as a tabloid newspaper, experts have confirmed.

BRITAIN'S public sector workers have been allowed out on strike today as long as they are home before it gets too dark.

THAT pissed bird on that video, right, was like totally spot on, wun't she, it was confirmed last night.

FATHER Christmas is dead because of massive skull damage inflicted by hooves, according to a new television commercial aimed at children.

A REPORT into obesity has been condemned as 'incredibly rude' after calling British women fat.

THE psychological cost of being forced to verbally interact with striking council workers far outweighs any financial loss, experts have claimed.

BOSSES' increasing reliance on irate emails or 'e-bollockings' is leaving them incapable of delivering face-to-face put-downs, it has been claimed.

THE Advertising Standards Authority has decided it is your mother.