Society

THE lifting of the ban on openly gay US troops will mean people being killed by tank commanders who are listening to upbeat euro pop, experts have warned.

MINISTERS are to launch a consultation on whether they are supposed to be clearing away all this snow that seems to be everywhere.

A LANDMARK EU court ruling could propel Ireland headlong into the middle of the 19th century.

A POST office could be forced to close unless 83-year-old Roy Hobbs accepts that he doesn't have the correct documents to renew his car tax.  

STUDENT activists have warned politicians that they are prepared to unleash 90s crusty-rock favourites The Levellers in their battle against reality.

FORMER defence secretary Bob Ainsworth was today accused of backing the legalisation of drugs so that he can feed his insatiable desire for psychedelic freak-outs.

RECORD numbers of primary school children lack the basic skills to draw a serviceable cock and balls, according to new research.

DAILY Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn was in the throes of a powerful erection today as millions of people subjected him to a fresh batch of hate.  

FRUIT picked by northern people would have to be washed at least three times, southern people said last night.

SIMON Cowell has announced early release for prisoners who pledge to buy One Direction's debut CD, as he begins to overhaul Britain's statute book.