Society

ED Miliband has ordered a digital calculator watch in a bid to reassure Britain he can steer it through economic turmoil.

A NEW television series has been hailed for portraying gypsies as being just as shallow, materialistic and celebrity-obsessed as mainstream society.

BRITAIN'S average standard of living will soon be no better than it was just over five years ago.

YOU are facing the sack today because you once said something about someone that some other people have decided to find offensive.

NEW government drugs adviser Dr Hans-Christian Raabe has reassured worried parents by confirming that Christianity is the only drug young people need.

ONE of them poofters spat in my macaroni cheese last night, Mrs Phillips in room seven has claimed.

ARMED Scouts with kevlar woggles are the future of riot control, the government has confirmed.

BARONESS Warsi will today be asked to explain why some Muslim countries lock you up for having naked fun with someone you have just met.

THE government is to launch an inquiry into whether words such as 'bumtard' and 'spangler' are anti-gay.

SOMEBODY actually bought one of those stupid Segway things, it emerged last night.