Everyone in office talking about cake, thinking about cake or eating cake

EVERY member of staff in an office appears to be dangerously obsessed with cakes, a new employee has claimed.

Child poverty increasing because not enough children have jobs, say Tories

As new figures revealed an increase in child poverty and a reduction in the number of children with part-time jobs, backbench Tories said it ‘did not take a genius to make the connection’.

Homeworker genuinely surprised to learn not everyone browses pornography while working

A HOMEWORKER has been shocked to discover that not all jobs are done while simultaneously browsing pornography.

Boss who says ‘Cheer up, it might never happen!’ unaware he is what has happened

A SALES manager who tells employees ‘Cheer up, it might never happen!’ has no idea that they cannot because it has happened and it is he.

Woman has feeble clock-based excuse ready to go

A WOMAN has prepared a complicated lie about why she is late for work 'because of the clocks'.

Britain gets up, opens curtains to pitch blackness, and knows summer was just a dream

THE UK has awoken, opened the curtains to windows that are nothing but rectangles of darkness, and realised that summer was just a silly dream.

UK celebrates record number of shit jobs

THE number of shit jobs in Britain has reached an all-time time high.

Woman in meeting only making notes to look like she has faintest clue what's going on 

A WOMAN in a meeting decided to make some notes before her colleagues figured out she had not not been listening to a word that had been said.

Man who was 'off sick' last week believes no-one has noticed his tan

A MAN who phoned in sick last week is confident his colleagues will not notice the change in his skin colour.

Man’s career plan based on having successful friends

A MAN has abandoned his plan to work hard and is instead focusing on having successful friends.