Politics Headlines

Government delays universal credit rollout until after it has f**ked up everything else

THE government has postponed the rollout of universal credit until it can be lost among all of its other upcoming serious fuck-ups. 

I'm Churchill, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has just come straight out and confirmed that he is Winston Churchill. 

Rees-Mogg calls for post-Brexit crackdown on urchins, ne’er-do-wells and strumpets

TORY MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has claimed Brexit Britain will be a ‘roaring success’ as long as the country ‘gives no quarter to assorted rapscallions’.

May to bring out goat dressed as Boris Johnson then strangle it

THE prime minister is to enliven her speech by bringing out a goat dressed as Boris Johnson then strangling it. 

You do know we vote, say middle-class coke users

MIDDLE-CLASS cocaine users targeted by the government have politely reminded them that they vote in every election and usually swing Tory. 

Tory conference enters Guinness Book of Records for most bastards in one place

THE Conservative party conference has won a place in The Guinness Book of Records for fitting the largest number of total bastards into one location.

Which of the Tories' big conference ideas are you?

THE Conservative party conference is here, and with it a whole load of incredibly shit ideas. But which of these panicked regurgitations of Thatcherism are you? 

UK can't understand why May announcing vote-winning plan to slash corporation tax quietly in New York

BRITAIN cannot see why Theresa May is announcing plans to slash corporation tax, sure to be acclaimed by ordinary voters, discreetly in New York.