Politics Headlines

Five horrible policies Tory voters love

NICE liberal voters still find it hard to grasp that the government enacts nasty policies because its supporters like them. Conservative voter Norman Steele lists his favourites.

Boris Johnson's guide to breaking promises

WANT to look good? Tell everyone what they want to hear and make promises you have no intention of keeping. The prime minister explains how to lie your way to the top.

Hungover Britain hopes it didn't do anything f*cking stupid last night

THE UK has woken up massively hungover with a vague dread that it did something really f**king idiotic last night.

Britain takes first bite of sh*t sandwich

THE United Kingdom has started to munch on the sh*t sandwich it made for itself nearly four years ago.

Brexit celebrations going to be a little bit racist, admit Brexiters

MOST of the Brexit celebrations planned for Friday will be xenophobic bordering on actually racist, Leave voters have admitted.

Sajid Javid's f**kwitted guide to how things work

CHANCELLOR of the Exchequer Sajid Javid may not know how trade with the EU works, but it doesn’t end there. Here he answers more questions about the world around us.

The six immigration systems Brexiters want

BORIS Johnson has promised a points-based immigration after Brexit, but Australia’s got that and they’re still mad racist. Here are a few systems Brexiters would prefer.

6 ways to celebrate Brexit Eve

BIG Ben may not be bonging, but that’s no reason not to celebrate leaving the world’s largest trading bloc on January 31st.

The five types of twat who'll pay for Big Ben to bong for Brexit

BIG BEN bonging for Brexit is the worst charitable cause since a druggie with a stolen charity tin rattled it around the local, but the cretins who support it live among us.

Johnson does hard-hitting interview with Roland Rat

THE prime minister has appeared on ITV’s breakfast television show for a tough interview with 1980s puppet presenter Roland Rat.

Five non-politicians to lead Labour out of crisis

THE NEW Labour leader has to be tough, uncompromising, charismatic and a complete change of direction. Think The Rock. Or any of these.

Our relationship is just like Love Actually except he's a serial adulterer with four kids, says Carrie Symonds

THE prime minister’s girlfriend has claimed their relationship is just like in Love Actually, apart from his wife and four-to-six children.