Politics Headlines

Five ways forward for Theresa May

THE Brexit impasse has left the prime minister looking short of options, with her deal certain to be defeated whenever a vote is held. So where should she go from here?

'Nanny!' screams Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has screamed for his nanny after soiling himself in the House of Commons.

This is what happens whenever posh twats are in charge, say experts

A HISTORIAN has confirmed that Britain ends up in a fucking mess whenever we make the mistake of putting posh people in charge.

Man who voted Brexit 'just to stir things up' more than happy

A MAN who voted Leave ‘just to shake things up a bit’ has proclaimed himself delighted with events so far. 

Vote for vote may trigger votes then vote followed by other vote

TONIGHT’S confidence vote may trigger a leadership vote in the Commons followed by a vote of Conservative members then a referendum, say experts. 

May pledges to hunt down the f*cknut who triggered Article 50

THE prime minister has vowed to find the 'fucknut' who triggered Article 50 when it was perfectly obvious we needed more time.

Rees-Mogg secretly celebrates 250th birthday

JACOB Rees-Mogg has celebrated his 250th birthday in the remote country house where he was born in 1768.

Next Tory leader to be someone you hate even more

BOOKMAKERS have confirmed that whoever the next Conservative leader is, it will be someone you hate even more than the present one.