Politics Headlines

TONY Blair and the Libyan dictator Colonel Gaddafi yesterday reached an historic agreement over the fact that Alex Salmond is a dick.

ALEX Salmond was forced to flee for his life yesterday after the Queen set a pair of dogs on him at the end of their first official audience.

FIRST minister Alex Salmond plans to satisfy the nation's energy needs by rubbing himself against a variety of high profile Scots.

TORY leader David Cameron is to spend two weeks living as a wheelie bin in East London in a bid to highlight the current crisis in British refuse collection.

THE premiership of Gordon Brown will be dominated by the damp, dreary weather so typical of his native Fife, the Met Office warned last night.

GORDON Brown has pledged to build 650 new ideologically-friendly towns across Britain when he becomes Prime Minister.

SNP Leader Alex Salmond has provoked the first constitutional crisis of the new parliament by demanding Scotland have its own entry in the Eurovision song contest.

ALEX Salmond has extended the hand of friendship to Lib Dem leader Nicol Stephen by offering to buy him a beautiful pony named 'Brambles'.

FIRST Minister Jack McConnell has barricaded himself inside his official residence and is refusing to leave.

UNITED Nations election observers last night labeled Scotland as one of the most knuckle-headed countries on the face of the earth.