Politics Headlines

GORDON Brown is pinning Labour's re-election hopes on a strategy of dragging injured soldiers through the courts and trying to steal their money.

MAYOR of London Boris Johnson is the owner of a record-breaking chicken it emerged last night.

JOHN Prescott's obsession with chip butties and erection pills are no-one's business but his own, the former deputy prime minister said last night.

PEOPLE across Britain last night agreed never to phone a radio show ever again in case Gordon Brown decides to visit them.

DAVID Cameron has become the latest Tory to receive a sound beating at the hands of the police.

CHANCELLOR Alistair has a secret plan to keep buggering about with the British economy until he finds something that works, it was revealed last night.

BRITAIN'S national debt will rise from No Way to Christ On A Bike, chancellor Alistair Darling announced yesterday.

GORDON Brown will today gamble on you buying things you don't need because they are slightly cheaper, and then believing that rich people are going to pay for it all.

GORDON Brown and David Cameron were incredibly embarrassing yesterday.

LABOUR backbenchers are preparing to ditch Gordon Brown and place their electoral fortunes in the hands of the most God-awful cow.