Politics

THE UK has sworn to the EU it will definitely take this chance to sort itself out before doing a shitload of nationalism in the bogs.

THERESA May has been stockpiling toilet roll during her latest trip to Brussels.

JEREMY Corbyn has admitted he walked out of a meeting last night because he saw Chuka Umunna, who he also sees looming from every shadow.

YOU may have voted for Brexit, but that’s no reason not to stock up on vital supplies. Here’s what every gammon should be buying.

THE headmistress has called another special assembly to tell pupils and teachers alike how very cross she is with them.

THERE are nine – nine! – fucking days left until economic armageddon and still the same shit is going on, Britain has realised.

THE government has admitted it is addicted to parliamentary defeats and is already jonesing for another one.

THE Speaker of the House has clarified that he only smirked when cancelling a third Brexit vote yesterday because it was so incredibly funny.

HUNGRY, exhausted Brexit marchers have demanded an emergency airdrop of food, shoes and clothing from the EU if they are to continue. 

IF you’re a Brexiter, don’t let Brexit being delayed and turning into a total shambles stop you having a fantastic street party. Here’s how to plan an unforgettable event.