Politics

Why I am leaving Wetherspoons to get shitfaced independently

By former Wetherspoons customer Roy Hobbs

Eighth Labour MP to quit admits she slept through her alarm on Monday

THE eighth Labour MP to quit for the independent group admitted she was meant to leave on Monday but it had been a big weekend.

Tories regret joining party full of horrible bastards

BITTER infighting over Europe has led Conservatives to question whether it was a good idea to join a party known for being horrible to people.

Corbyn lines up seven marrows then smashes them with a spade

JEREMY Corbyn has lined up seven marrows at his allotment, spoken to them in angry tones then smashed them with a spade, observers confirmed.

Yay, now it's our turn to call people traitors, confirms Labour

A SPLIT in the Labour party today means both of Britain’s leading political parties will spend all their time constantly denouncing traitors. 

Me not getting what I want is a f**king emergency, says Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has announced that any situation where he does not get what he wants immediately is a national emergency.

Terrifying countdown to f**k-all continues

WITH only 44 days left until an Article 50 extension is forced by parliament, the EU, Theresa May or all three, the public cannot stop watching the countdown. 

Liam Fox signs trade deals with imaginary countries

TRADE secretary Liam Fox has signed trade deals worth more than £4.8 billion with countries which do not exist, he has triumphantly announced. 

Five things to do if you've f**king had it up to here with Brexit

IF you really can’t face any more Brexit bullshit it could be time to make some radical life changes. Here are some suggestions.

Tory MP experiencing Brexit hardship by living on just £10,000 a week

A CONSERVATIVE MP is getting an understanding of what Brexit will be like for the nation by continuing to be incredibly rich.