Politics

PAUL Nuttall is in no way, shape or form leadership material even for UKIP, it has emerged.

THE Liberal Democrats’ second place in the Witney by-election confirmed them as the party Britain turns to when all hope is lost.

THE prime minister has lost British sovereignty to Germany in a game of poker at the European summit in Brussels.

UKIP is to signal its demise with a classic British pub fight, it has been confirmed.

BORIS Johnson has prepared a magazine article about how great Marxism is, it has emerged.

SCOTLAND must keep re-sitting its referendum until it puts the right answer, according to its headmistress.

THE second part of Scotland’s Indyref trilogy will reach audiences before 2019, Nicola Sturgeon has announced.

MPS have welcomed plans to discuss Brexit in depth then just do it anyway.

JEREMY Corbyn cannot take part in a parliamentary Brexit debate because of his asthma, a note from his mother has confirmed.

THE prime minister has told Britain it knew full well it was voting to shrink its economy between 5 and 10 per cent, so no further debate is required.