Politics

THE Scottish Nationalists must forget independence and accept permanent rule by English twats they did not vote for, Theresa May has said.

THE prime minister has confirmed that Article 50 must be triggered on March 15th because it is written on her kitchen calendar in pen.

SLEAFORD Mods have taken charge of Britain after staging a coup against the government.

NIGEL Farage has accused UKIP MP Douglas Carswell of betraying the party ‘by not letting the hate flow through him’.

PRIME minster Theresa May is observing Lent by giving up her daily snack of six live mice.

NIGEL Farage has claimed that the UK overwhelmingly voted for him to be given a knighthood in June last year, and losers should ‘get over it’.

FORMER UKIP leader Nigel Farage invited himself to a couple’s regular film night and ate a disproportionate amount of pizza.

JEREMY Corbyn had admitted that Labour’s Copeland loss means they can no longer ignore the serious flaws of Britain’s electorate.

UKIP have responded to the Stoke by-election defeat by saying they do not need MPs because everyone does what they want anyway.

BRITAIN is waiting with bated breath for the verdict of the few people in Stoke and Copeland who can be arsed to vote, it has been confirmed.