Sport Headlines

ENGLAND have basically won the World Cup.

ENGLAND'S raggle-taggle crew of enthusiastic amateur footballers believe they can hold the legendary Montenegro to a draw.

SMOKING kids believe they have finally found a role model in Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere.

A SEVERED head has been kicked around the Queen's lawn to celebrate 150 years of football.

ENGLAND fans are celebrating a new hero who they can place all their hopes in before being painfully disappointed.

MANCHESTER City goalkeeper Joe Hart is reconsidering his pre-game routine of greasing himself all over.

FANS of Manchester United are delighted to be launching their first campaign to sack a manager in almost a quarter of a century.

A MASSIVE boat has beaten a bunch of other boats to win the America's Cup.

PAOLO Di Canio has declared himself Sunderland manager-for-life following a brutal coup.

WAYNE Rooney has questioned the nature of existence following a Champions League game.