Alcohol

THE nicest person you know would punch you hard right in the face for a cold pint in a pub right now, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE are queuing for miles for the thrill of getting wasted on a park bench, it has emerged.

THE effects of alcohol have finally worn off for a man who has been pissed since the lockdown began.

A WOMAN has emptied enough wine bottles to fill a Threshers into her recycling bin.

BINGE-DRINKING as usual this weekend? Freshen it up by mixing yourself one of these unprecedented-times-themed cocktails.

THE UK population is now either incapable of taking their drink or permanently wankered, research has confirmed.

THE ‘Spoons is closed so there’s no longer anywhere to while away the day. Follow regular Norman Steele’s tips and turn your own home into a daytime chain pub.

AN incredibly brave woman has risked catching coronavirus at the supermarket because she needed some wine.    

BRITAIN’S population is staggering into the fourth week of its self-destructive lockdown drinking spree.

EVERYONE's struggling right now, and everyone’s got tips to help. But have you tried downing a bottle of brandy while drawing tattoos on your own arms?