Arts & Entertainment

SONGS aiming for the lucrative Radio 2 playlist have to be bland enough to offend no-one while remaining just about memorable. Here’s how to make your ditty dull enough to soar.

PRODUCERS of the James Bond franchise have confirmed that there will never be a ginger Bond for as long as they have any say in the matter.

A MAN who has grown to hate a TV show refuses to miss a single episode, it has emerged.

SANDI Toksvig has denied that her departure from The Great British Bake Off was anything to do with ‘that preening w*nkshaft Paul Hollywood’. 

WHAT dreadful books lie in wait in children’s schoolbags this year?

A FESTIVAL to promote Brexit has been cancelled because it was an incredibly terrible idea on every level, the organisers have revealed.

THE Duchess of Sussex’s first financial venture will be a self-help book focused on co-existing with nightmare in-laws.

A MAN has confirmed that the book which changed his life forever is the user manual for his microwave oven.

YOUNG people have confirmed that Christmas telly is not a thing and they do not understand why their parents think it is.

ELF film and booze make everything  nice, thinks tired Britain.