Arts & Entertainment

AN INCIDENT in a Stoke-on-Trent nightclub has left 12 trampled to death after a DJ put on The Killers’ Mr Brightside within earshot of a hen party.

A WEDDING band is under the wild delusion that the drunken crowd they are performing for wants to hear one of their original compositions.

TENS of thousands of Glastonbury attendees are today discovering that a blazing hot weekend in a desperately overcrowded campsite is also hell.

HEADED to Glastonbury with a bad back and a heavy heart? Worried you’ll be raving about how great AJ Tracey is only to be politely told you’re watching Burna Boy?

DID you used to get blitzed on drugs at festivals, but now take your kids to the ones with craft tents and puppet shows?

A MAN refuses to read any novels written by women for fear of gaining such a keen insight into the opposite gender that he becomes one.

SINGER-songwriter Ed Sheeran has already ruined music, Game of Thrones and ketchup but cannot decide what to wreck next.

THERE is no way a woman wearing a Sonic Youth t-shirt is really into all their weird, unlistenable sh*t, people have decided.

TEENAGERS will always be in bands, no matter how overwhelming the evidence that they are extremely shit. Here’s how to navigate the worst problems of musical youth.

IF you want to feel distressed and unhappy you could watch the new series of The Handmaid’s Tale, or you could slam your hand in a drawer 78 times. Here are some other ideas.