Arts & Entertainment

ARE you such an annoying twat that you’ve made a playlist of canine-related tunes for your dog? Set up these five to end up alone:

ANOTHER Batman film is on the way, as if we hadn’t had our fill of the moody pointy-eared bastard. Here’s why he should be given a rest.

THE only location in London where you can have casual sex with a member of a different household is now Strictly Come Dancing.

ARE you a broadcaster who feels the need to support blustering bellends then can’t understand why they turn on you? Here’s how the BBC keeps doing it.

AS home secretary, I detest everyone in Britain. But I love Disney because for every sad moment like Scar being thrown to hyenas there’s a happy one, like Bambi’s mum being shot.

LEFT-WING masturbators have accepted the gauntlet thrown down when Gillian Anderson was cast as Margaret Thatcher, they have confirmed.

A MIDDLE-AGED man who decided to treat himself to a listen to his favourite 90s album has discovered it is unlistenable, whiny shit.

LOCKDOWN 2 is here, promising to be as good as Ghostbusters 2. These six movies should make you realise being stuck at home again isn’t so bad.

IF I had been told, back when this started, that in September I’d be looking at another six months of this shit, I’d have choked myself to death on my own freshly-baked banana bread.

A MIDDLE AGED couple have wistfully remembered the times when they used to be able to have sex because there was nothing to watch on telly.