Arts & Entertainment

LARS Von Trier has been forced to watch every film he has ever made before being allowed back into the Cannes film festival.

LONG-running suicide note Eastenders fails to fully capture how revolting Cockneys are, the BBC have admitted.

FEMALE recording artists who claim to have raunchy lesbian tendencies must spend a night locked in with a minotaur-like 'diesel dyke', it has been announced.

LITHE snooker legend Steve Davis's new BBC radio show is going to put the sexy back into progressive rock music, it was claimed last night.

ITV's Shit Factor will return later this year with Simon Cowell being replaced by a contemptuous showbiz failure.

A LEGAL move is being made to keep 95% of new films a secret.

RECORDING phenomenon Adele is the result of some men writing a list of woman-friendly things on a whiteboard, it has emerged.

MOUSTACHIOED adventurers Mario and Luigi are not related but they do have a special bond, it has emerged.

THE BBC natural history unit is to make a ground-breaking series about the consequences of your unsustainable breeding.

ACTION-fantasy tripe bucket Sucker Punch has made idiots feel cleverer than something.