Environment

A DOG struggling to get a big stick through a front door will neither leave it outside nor change his strategy, he has confirmed.

THE Beluga whale spotted in the Thames has changed course after finding out the price of a London pint.

EVERYONE had forgotten England is generally absolutely freezing, it has emerged.

A MAN swimming with dolphins thought they would do more, he has confirmed.

A GROUP of cats has belatedly discovered it is far easier to get things done if you work as a team.

FOX Hunting is still the number one hobby for people who need to realise it is not a hobby it is just nasty, it has been confirmed.

BIRDS would be a lot better at flying if they lay off the carbs, it has been claimed.

NOBODY is admitting that the awful weather that everyone seemed to want but is turning out to be a huge pain in the arse is the perfect metaphor for Brexit, it has been confirmed.

A MAN who does not believe in global warming is referring to his memories of the summer of 1976 almost constantly, witnesses have confirmed.

OWNING a houseplant adds absolutely nothing to your life and very little to the houseplant’s, scientists have confirmed.