Environment

TERRIFIED Britons are frantically preparing for tomorrow’s icy blast by already having everything they need to comfortably survive it. 

A COUPLE are showing off their self-build eco-home, which is powered exclusively by their smug expressions.

PLASTIC-free aisles in supermarkets are to be used like singles bars by committed environmentalists, it has emerged.

PEOPLE who insist the days are getting longer are leaving a trail of psychological destruction across Britain.

I HAVE always been a passionate supporter of the environment. Trees, ditches, wasps – these are all truly wonderful nature things.

TURTLES have told the government to stop messing around, raise the plastic bag charge to £1 and send the cash straight to them.

A FRENCH mountain is covered in snow and smug, excitable arseholes, it has emerged. 

THE owners of a ginger cat are entirely unaware that it is locally notorious an absolute mental bastard.

TREES in the new Northern Forest will have a large number of grievances and think southern forests are looking down on them, it has emerged.

BRITAIN was awash with stupid hats, it has emerged.