Environment

PEOPLE pretending to enjoy the sun by playing Frisbee and having barbecues would much rather be indoors watching Poldark, it has emerged.

A DOG’S feelings have been crushed after discovering that his owner’s best friend is actually a man named Martin.

A MAN who agreed to go on a country walk was shocked to discover it did not involve a pub, he has revealed.

A MIDDLE CLASS couple are making an agonising decision about whether to continue poisoning the air with their stove or their massive vehicle.

A FLY is somehow trapped in the living room of a house despite being guided towards an open patio door.

THE UK has woken up to yet another glorious, sunny, complete waste of decent weather because it is a Monday. 

THE spider who lives in your house is moving somewhere nicer, he has confirmed.

A VILLAGE-BASED hipster ignores his nearer and larger Londis because it has ‘sold out’, he confirmed.

PEOPLE who live in Scotland have stressed, once again, that the UK is experiencing a partial heatwave.

FISH have spoken out against the widely-held supposition that they are weird.