Food

A MAN enraged by an advert for Creme Eggs with two men kissing has embarked on a mission to find a chocolate egg that better represents his steadfast heterosexuality.

LONGING for the simpler days of bell-bottom trousers, disco and good Star Wars films? Remind yourself how bad things actually were in the 70s with these godforsaken meals.

AN unbearable man is referring to his hastily thrown together middle of the day meal as his 'lunch game'.

DOCTORS have issued a public health warning the public that doing Dry Veganuary in a national lockdown is not achievable.

A WOMAN who badly needs a cup of tea to get anything done is unable to make one because she needs one so badly.

A SELECTION of mixed nuts ostensibly bought for Christmas have appealed to the household to stop deluding themselves and put them in the bin. 

A DAD is getting into the party spirit by doing repeated shots of Gaviscon.

A METROPOLITAN daughter is terrorising her rural family by introducing them to continental Christmas food such as pannetone and stollen.

THE shelves of upmarket supermarkets have been swept clean by panicking shoppers stockpiling brie and cranberry tartlets, retailers have warned.

LOADING your garage with goods with no consideration for others? Here’s how to bugger up other people’s Christmases to the limit.