Food

Idiots 'will be eating pasta every night until 2025'

PANIC-STRICKEN imbeciles who emptied supermarket shelves of dried pasta will be eating nothing but the stuff for the next few years. 

Man would have panic-bought but there's loads of stuff left

A MAN has abandoned a panic-buying supermarket run after arriving and seeing that the shelves were still perfectly well-stocked.

Support group set up for people who can't decide what they feel like for lunch

A SUPPORT group has been set up for anyone struggling with the painful issue of not being quite sure what they fancy for lunch.

'Foodie' actually just greedy

A MAN who describes himself as a 'foodie' is nothing but a greedy twat, friends have confirmed.

Woman choosing dinner party guests based on lack of stupid dietary requirements

A WOMAN is inviting people to a dinner party based on them not being annoying idiots who will mess up her menu plans. 

I'm going to go everywhere, unopened bag of rice warns man

A TIGHTLY-PACKED bag of rice has warned its owner that his efforts to open it will result in it exploding all over the kitchen.

The seven things to panic-buy now before all the other bastards get there

ALL those other selfish, panicking bastards are going to strip the shelves of goods so get to the supermarket before they do. But what to buy?

We won't soak up anything, confirm pub crisps

A PACKET of ready salted crisps has confirmed it will do nothing to offset the effects of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.

Waitress listening to woman's allergies muttering 'Jesus' under her breath

A WAITRESS listening to a woman describing a huge list of allergies was reported to be muttering “Jesus” under her breath.

How to move on from ordering the wrong thing in a restaurant

IT’S happened. In the pressure of the moment in a restaurant you panicked and made the wrong choice. Here’s how to accept it and move on.