Food

A WOMAN is inviting people to a dinner party based on them not being annoying idiots who will mess up her menu plans. 

A TIGHTLY-PACKED bag of rice has warned its owner that his efforts to open it will result in it exploding all over the kitchen.

ALL those other selfish, panicking bastards are going to strip the shelves of goods so get to the supermarket before they do. But what to buy?

A PACKET of ready salted crisps has confirmed it will do nothing to offset the effects of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.

A WAITRESS listening to a woman describing a huge list of allergies was reported to be muttering “Jesus” under her breath.

IT’S happened. In the pressure of the moment in a restaurant you panicked and made the wrong choice. Here’s how to accept it and move on.

BLUE passports are back, we’re a sovereign nation again and it’s time to celebrate a patriotic post-Brexit pancake day with British toppings.

A MAN pointing out that you can have pancakes whenever you want only eats them on pancake day.

A SCOTTISH man who saw the product ‘hummus’ in a London supermarket still cannot believe it is real.

AN artisanal sausage roll has confirmed it is not worth the £6.50 it costs.