Food

A MAN’S dinner tasted like shit after he decided to improve the recipe by throwing in random ingredients.

A PIZZA delivery man has finally quit his job after not having sex with a single customer during his decade-long career.

MIDDLE-CLASS families facing a hit to their finances will get vouchers for Charlie Bigham pies in order to help them through the summer.

A TUB of Lurpak in a family fridge has almost reached the stage of being officially half-butter, half-toast crumbs, it has emerged.

EXPERTS have confirmed that eating cake for breakfast is absolutely fine and should be encouraged.

THE government has misled, hidden the facts and flat-out lied to Britain. Worse, they have refused to explain what the f**k has happened to Frosties.

AN obnoxious middle-class mother has asserted that her five-year-old has never had sugar and would not like it if he did.

PARTS of central London are to be transformed into European-style outdoor dining areas. Here’s how to deal with rain, pigeons and drunk passers-by.

POST-BREXIT blue passports are to double as Second World War-style ration booklets to make everyone really proud of being British again.

A WOMAN is incredibly smug about all the gardening she is doing, even though she is growing things that she thinks are horrible.