Food

A WOMAN spent hours preparing her own hummus only to discover it was not even as good as the one from Aldi.

TODDLERS have agreed that their favourite thing about visiting grown-up restaurants is going for a poo the moment food arrives.

A MAN has been routinely eating an entire extra meal after his wife goes to bed, it has emerged.

A WOMAN has ended five months as a vegan after a seagull swooped down and stole her chips, she has confirmed.

MATCHA is a putrid green powder that is inexplicably used in a range of foodstuffs including ice cream and macarons.

A LARGE display of pumpkins being used to whip up excitement for Halloween are tragically unaware that they will be disposed of well before the big day.

BRITAIN has agreed that it no longer deserves Pizza Express and will go back to Pizza Hut.  

A WOMAN has found she can cheat her strict diet, by giving blood and then bingeing on custard creams.

A WOMAN has happily filled up on delicious bread in a restaurant without  a care in the world.  

A COUPLE who pride themselves on buying fruit and vegetables grown locally eat only cabbages for eight months of the year.