Food
A MAN in his late 30s still either overestimates or underestimates how much milk his cereal will need every single morning, he has confirmed.
A WOMAN who claims eating condensed soy milk is ‘unnatural’ finds tubes of compressed lips, eyelids and sphincters delightful.
A MAN whose toaster has broken has admitted that he now has no idea what to base meals around.
AN 18-YEAR-OLD who turned vegan in his first term of university has managed three whole days at home before eating sausages.
A FANCY man eats vegetables for lunch, it has emerged.
A LOAF of artisanal no-knead sourdough bread is too fancy to fit in a toaster, it has been confirmed.
THE Yorkshire Tourist Board is promoting a cream tea consisting of white bread spread with Stork and served with a jug of long-life milk.
A SLICED, wholemeal loaf of bread contains f*cking raisins, it has been confirmed.
A MIDDLE-CLASS couple are interviewing a shortlist of six turkeys to decide which one will grace their Christmas table.
A MUM’S life is in tatters after she was forced to make her kids packed lunches for an entire week.