Britain demands more meals you don't have to pay for if you eat all of it

THE UK has demanded that all cafes and restaurants should have one menu item which is free if consumed in a single sitting.

Adults upset about drinking straws reminded that they are adults using drinking straws

PEOPLE of 18 and over complaining about paper drinking straws have been reminded they could lift their drinking vessels to their mouths like the grown-ups they are.

Five techniques for fitting that f**k off massive burger in your mouth

HAVE you ordered a burger so huge and loaded with dripping cheese that you have no idea how to physically eat it? Try these tips.

Woman gets fancy Easter egg instead of the bucket of Flakes she wanted

A WOMAN has been let down by her boyfriend’s gift of a small, expensive dark chocolate Easter egg instead of a big cheap one that absolutely does the business.

Sourdough bread just normal bread that's been told about mindfulness

POSH sourdough bread is the same as normal bread but the baker has told it about aspirational lifestyle shit like mindfulness, it has been revealed.

Women more likely to reach orgasm after buying Tupperware

A NEW study has revealed that women are more likely to reach a sexual climax after buying shitloads of plastic tubs.

Woman finds new way to remove joy from life by meal planning

A WOMAN has discovered that planning a week in advance what she will eat for every meal really frees her from any spontaneous happiness.

Butchers waxing lyrical about what wonderful lives the animals led before they were killed for you

MEAT suppliers are falling over each other to rhapsodise about how happy and fulfilled their livestock were before being slaughtered to please you.

Non-vegans demand vegetables made out of meat

CARNIVORES have demanded special fake vegetables made out of meat after seeing the variety of plant-based sausages, bacon and beef available.

Jamie Oliver continues campaign against shit food by barricading his own restaurants

CELEBRITY chef Jamie Oliver has struck another blow against low-quality cuisine by barricading the doors of his own restaurants.