Watery bit of ketchup put there to spite you

THE watery bit in the top of every bottle of tomato ketchup is put there just to spite you, it has been confirmed.

Man baffled by concept of 'leftover' food

A MAN who recently discovered that other people sometimes have food left at the end of their meal is still trying to understand how it happens.

Crisps named best street food

THE humble British crisp has beaten banh mi, pulled pork empanadas and slow-cooked beef burritos to be named Best Street Food.

Kids' menu looking pretty f**king tempting in wanky gastropub

ADULTS have been enviously eyeing the straightforward and tasty children’s menu in a London gastropub, it has emerged.

Cartoon baker sure pie cooling on windowsill will be fine

A CARTOON baker is confident that nothing will happen to the freshly-baked pie he has placed by an open window to cool.

Token vegan item on pub menu made with actual cardboard

A GASTROPUB has given up on making its vegan food taste good and is using cardboard instead, with no effect on sales.

Woman incapable of drinking entire mug of tea

A WOMAN who appears normal in every other respect is unable to drink more than two-thirds of a mug of tea.

How the f**k is this a 'cake'? ask dieters

PEOPLE on diets are wondering how flattened pieces of shrivelled matter can possibly be called ‘cakes’.

Nobody tosses pancakes, kids told

CHILDREN across Britain have been informed that absolutely nobody turns pancakes over by flipping them up in the air and catching them perfectly in the pan.

Vegetarian pays £14 for quite large mushroom in a bun

A VEGETARIAN at a burger restaurant has paid £14 for a big mushroom in a bun.