Food

ALL those other selfish, panicking bastards are going to strip the shelves of goods so get to the supermarket before they do. But what to buy?

A PACKET of ready salted crisps has confirmed it will do nothing to offset the effects of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.

A WAITRESS listening to a woman describing a huge list of allergies was reported to be muttering “Jesus” under her breath.

IT’S happened. In the pressure of the moment in a restaurant you panicked and made the wrong choice. Here’s how to accept it and move on.

BLUE passports are back, we’re a sovereign nation again and it’s time to celebrate a patriotic post-Brexit pancake day with British toppings.

A MAN pointing out that you can have pancakes whenever you want only eats them on pancake day.

A SCOTTISH man who saw the product ‘hummus’ in a London supermarket still cannot believe it is real.

AN artisanal sausage roll has confirmed it is not worth the £6.50 it costs.

A LUNCH with friends has been tipped into panic and disarray after one man ordered a starter without checking with anyone.

YOU’VE run out of plates and there’s no way you’re tackling the mountain of washing-up, so you’ll have to improvise.