Restaurant with own 'kitchen garden' still incredibly expensive

A RESTAURANT growing its own produce in full view of diners is only reminding them vegetables come out of the ground and are basically free.

Woman who 'doesn't mind' which restaurant she goes to is lying

A WOMAN who tells her partner she ‘doesn’t mind’ where they go out for dinner is full of shit, it has been confirmed.

Bag of quinoa in man's cupboard outlasts three girlfriends

A HALF-USED bag of quinoa in a kitchen cupboard has outlasted its owner’s last three relationships, he has realised.

Karma's a bitch, say kids who loved Turkey Twizzlers

A GENERATION who were robbed of deliciously unhealthy school meals by Jamie Oliver have told him that what goes around comes around.

Maniac eats chocolate at bottom of Cornetto first

A MAN always eats the bit of chocolate at the bottom of a Cornetto first instead of saving it until the end like a normal person.

Carrot in f**ked-up relationship with stick

A CARROT has confessed it is locked into a dysfunctional toxic co-dependent relationship with a stick.

Which fire pit knobhead are you?

THE new cool place to be at a party is at the fire pit, watching the glowing coals and assigning yourself a key role in their upkeep. But what fire pit twat are you?

Vegan will make an exception for Babybel

A VEGAN has confirmed that he confusingly still eats the small, individually-packaged French cheeses Babybel.

Mum puts kids' dinners straight in bin to save time

A MUM has started putting her children’s dinners directly into the bin to save a whole load of fucking time and effort.

Recommended serving sizes told to mind their own f**king business

SO-CALLED serving sizes have been told to go fuck themselves.