Food

A WOMAN who appears normal in every other respect is unable to drink more than two-thirds of a mug of tea.

PEOPLE on diets are wondering how flattened pieces of shrivelled matter can possibly be called ‘cakes’.

CHILDREN across Britain have been informed that absolutely nobody turns pancakes over by flipping them up in the air and catching them perfectly in the pan.

A VEGETARIAN at a burger restaurant has paid £14 for a big mushroom in a bun.

A NO-DEAL Brexit will mean that Britain’s only crisp flavours will be ready salted, salt ’n’ vinegar and cheese ’n’ onion, manufacturers have confirmed.

A MAN has done significant damage to his home and its contents by attempting to spread butter straight out of the fridge.

A FATHER-OF-TWO puts on a strange, jocular personality whenever he is in a restaurant, to the extreme discomfort of his family and female waiting staff.

FOOD consumed while you are cooking still counts as food, nutritionists have claimed.

THE flexitarian diet is perfect for people who love both meat and a load of bollocks, it has been claimed.

A MAN growing his own vegetables has managed to reduce the cost-per-unit of his tomatoes to just £35.18 per tomato.