Food

THE UK has demanded that all cafes and restaurants should have one menu item which is free if consumed in a single sitting.

PEOPLE of 18 and over complaining about paper drinking straws have been reminded they could lift their drinking vessels to their mouths like the grown-ups they are.

HAVE you ordered a burger so huge and loaded with dripping cheese that you have no idea how to physically eat it? Try these tips.

A WOMAN has been let down by her boyfriend’s gift of a small, expensive dark chocolate Easter egg instead of a big cheap one that absolutely does the business.

POSH sourdough bread is the same as normal bread but the baker has told it about aspirational lifestyle shit like mindfulness, it has been revealed.

A NEW study has revealed that women are more likely to reach a sexual climax after buying shitloads of plastic tubs.

A WOMAN has discovered that planning a week in advance what she will eat for every meal really frees her from any spontaneous happiness.

MEAT suppliers are falling over each other to rhapsodise about how happy and fulfilled their livestock were before being slaughtered to please you.

CARNIVORES have demanded special fake vegetables made out of meat after seeing the variety of plant-based sausages, bacon and beef available.

CELEBRITY chef Jamie Oliver has struck another blow against low-quality cuisine by barricading the doors of his own restaurants.