Food

A WOMAN who shuns all meat and dairy products apart from eggs has a special term for her particular form of food weirdness.

A MAN without much personality has decided to compensate by constantly telling people how into meat he is.

EXPERTS have agreed that it is best for everyone if we neither think about nor acknowledge what cheese actually is.

A WOMAN has been under the delusion she was friends with an upper middle-class couple only to discover they just like eating olives.

SMALL plates should never have been allowed and must stop now, restaurants have been told.

BRITAIN’S men are feeling oppressed by having to order steaks with loads of blood in order to look manly.

A MAN has asked his daughter, who has been a vegetarian since she was 15 and is now 30, if she is “still not eating meat”.

VEGAN cheese has been cast back into the hell from which it was spawned from, exorcists have confirmed.

BABIES have demanded food that tastes as delicious as the TV remote controls they love to stuff into their mouths.

RESTAURANT customers have told waiters not to waste their time asking if they would like to see the dessert menu because the answer is always yes.