'What vegans want is more pretend blood in their food'

CREATORS of a vegetarian burger that ‘bleeds’ are confident that meat-hating vegans are going to love it.

Middle-class man levels up with own sourdough starter

A MIDDLE-CLASS man has levelled up with the acquisition of his very own sourdough starter.

Woman planning nice healthy dinner of soup and entire loaf of bread

A WOMAN is planning a simple, nutritious kitchen supper of a carrot soup and a full loaf of bread.

Vegan spends 90 per cent of time trying to catch out other vegans

A VEGAN spends 90 per cent of his waking hours policing other vegans for dietary infractions, he has confirmed.

Six bullshit fast food hacks we copied off the internet without checking

DO you desperately want to believe you can outwit fast food restaurants with secret ‘hacks’? Here are some amazing ones that definitely aren’t bollocks.

Alcohol-free dinner party really, incredibly long

GUESTS at a dinner party are bitterly rueing their host’s reckless decision to make this one ‘booze-free for a change’.

Tesco to scrap 'best before' dates because they are bollocks

TESCO is getting rid of ‘best before’ dates on fruit and vegetables because they are all made up by a bloke in packaging anyway.

Middle-class woman mortified about how much brie she ate last night

AN embarrassed mother-of-two is anxiously replaying the brie-fuelled conversations about house prices and grammar schools she had at a dinner party last night.

Hungover man discovers he can eat infinite amount of food

A MAN recovering from a hangover has discovered he can eat a superhuman amount of food without becoming full.

Heinz drops plans to rename Salad Cream 'Weird Sweet Goopy Shit'

HEINZ has gone back on its decision to rebrand Salad Cream as 'Weird Sweet Goopy Shit', a name thought to appeal more to millennials.