Food

A WOMAN has lost an argument with her own dog about whether he deserved to be fed again.

IF there’s one thing our divided nation can agree on, it’s getting hammered on Friday and treating the resulting hangover with judiciously applied pizza the next day. But what does your choice say about you?

PEOPLE starting a vegan diet need to ensure they are pretending that their food tastes like nicer things, according to experts.

THE preparation time for oven chips has been amended from 15-18 minutes to around eight weeks.

A DAIRY cow has explained to anyone doing Veganuary that if there ceases to be a market for its milk it will cease to live.

A WAFFLE iron received as a Christmas present has prepared the fourth and final waffle it will make before spending the rest of its life in a cupboard.

THE introduction of vegan sausage rolls by Greggs could be the last straw for disaffected Northern communities, it has been warned.

A WOMAN who has only recently become a vegan is getting ready to shit on every angle of Christmas and spoil it for her poor, innocent family.

A WOMAN who bought an orange and praline pumpkin-spiced latte is experiencing intense remorse and lactose-induced bloating.

A SILENT tribute has been paid to a freshly made cup of tea that was tragically abandoned to go cold and undrinkable.