'My main job is blocking the road' admits Ocado driver

AN OCADO delivery driver has admitted that his job is largely to obstruct residential streets for indefinite periods.

Restaurant serving deconstructed burger asked to reconstruct it

A DINER has demanded a restaurant 'do the right thing' and put his ironic, deconstructed burger back together again.

How much pasta should you cook to make the sadness go away?

COOKING the right amount of pasta is notoriously difficult. Take our simple quiz to find out how much to cook to make the sadness go away.

'Cheap and easy' meal recipe assumes you already have truffle oil

A CELEBRITY chef's 'cheap' recipe is guessing you already have about £40 worth of ingredients, including truffle oil and leftover wagyu beef.

Calzone just f**ked up pizza, admit chefs

CHEFS have finally admitted calzone is just a normal pizza they have bollocksed up.  

Energy drinks maker launches 'Hyper Anxiety' flavour

A COMPANY has launched an 'anxiety flavoured' energy drink for people who want the taste of how they feel.    

Dreadful couple referring to 'their' butcher

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple have informed you that they got the lamb for tonight’s dinner from ‘their’ butcher.

Diets put on hold until this World War 3 thing is figured out

THE looming threat of World War III has led to millions of diets being put on hold.

Middle class couple have terrible middle class business idea

A COUPLE genuinely believe they will be able to quit their jobs and make a living selling an expensive ‘artisanal’ version of muesli.  

Starving KFC diners searching for anywhere else that serves food in a bucket

HORDES of starving KFC regulars are searching for any other food outlet that will serve them meals in a bucket.