Food

HAVE you got too into cookery and become the sort of tosser who throws a strop if you can’t find the right anchovies? Take our test and find out.

A MIDDLE-CLASS man has vowed to do “whatever it takes” to make sure his family survives the current halloumi cheese shortage.

THERE is not enough alcohol in the world to make a vegan kebab delicious, scientists have confirmed.

PUB chain Wetherspoons has admitted that their beer shortage could be followed by a shortage of food only palatable to drunks.

MAN was weak and girly and work in office where he bullied by woman, but now him strong. Him have meat. Him have barbecue.

AN OCADO delivery driver has admitted that his job is largely to obstruct residential streets for indefinite periods.

A DINER has demanded a restaurant 'do the right thing' and put his ironic, deconstructed burger back together again.

COOKING the right amount of pasta is notoriously difficult. Take our simple quiz to find out how much to cook to make the sadness go away.

A CELEBRITY chef's 'cheap' recipe is guessing you already have about £40 worth of ingredients, including truffle oil and leftover wagyu beef.

CHEFS have finally admitted calzone is just a normal pizza they have bollocksed up.