Food

MILK and bread will be the next victims of needless panic buying, Britain’s moronic stockpilers have confirmed.

PANIC-STRICKEN imbeciles who emptied supermarket shelves of dried pasta will be eating nothing but the stuff for the next few years. 

A MAN has abandoned a panic-buying supermarket run after arriving and seeing that the shelves were still perfectly well-stocked.

A SUPPORT group has been set up for anyone struggling with the painful issue of not being quite sure what they fancy for lunch.

A MAN who describes himself as a 'foodie' is nothing but a greedy twat, friends have confirmed.

A WOMAN is inviting people to a dinner party based on them not being annoying idiots who will mess up her menu plans. 

A TIGHTLY-PACKED bag of rice has warned its owner that his efforts to open it will result in it exploding all over the kitchen.

ALL those other selfish, panicking bastards are going to strip the shelves of goods so get to the supermarket before they do. But what to buy?

A PACKET of ready salted crisps has confirmed it will do nothing to offset the effects of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.

A WAITRESS listening to a woman describing a huge list of allergies was reported to be muttering “Jesus” under her breath.