Food

A MAN who puts his sleeve over his hand to open the front door is still eating pizza made by five teenagers on minimum wage.

A WOMAN is horrified at the sheer amount of crap she eats on a daily basis now she is at stuck at home.

A MAN has booked a Morrisons home delivery which should arrive late next year.

POPPING to the shops but worried police will judge your beer and crisps non-essential? Try these to make your basket purposed and focused.

THE owners of allotments have ordered the rest of Britain to bow down and give them nuff respect for their mad veg-cultivating skills.

BRITONS are physically incapable of having nice food or booze in the house without shoving it down their greedy throats, they have admitted.

THE UK’s convenience stores want to tell customers they have shelves groaning with pasta but cannot be heard over the noise of fighting outside Tesco.

MILK and bread will be the next victims of needless panic buying, Britain’s moronic stockpilers have confirmed.

PANIC-STRICKEN imbeciles who emptied supermarket shelves of dried pasta will be eating nothing but the stuff for the next few years. 

A MAN has abandoned a panic-buying supermarket run after arriving and seeing that the shelves were still perfectly well-stocked.