Best thing about restaurants is going for a poo, say toddlers

TODDLERS have agreed that their favourite thing about visiting grown-up restaurants is going for a poo the moment food arrives.

Husband eats entire extra meal after wife goes to bed

A MAN has been routinely eating an entire extra meal after his wife goes to bed, it has emerged.

Woman quits being vegan after seagull steals her chips

A WOMAN has ended five months as a vegan after a seagull swooped down and stole her chips, she has confirmed.

What is 'matcha' and why does it need to f*ck off?

MATCHA is a putrid green powder that is inexplicably used in a range of foodstuffs including ice cream and macarons.

Supermarket pumpkins tragically unaware they won't make Halloween

A LARGE display of pumpkins being used to whip up excitement for Halloween are tragically unaware that they will be disposed of well before the big day.

Pizza Hut is all we deserve, says Britain

BRITAIN has agreed that it no longer deserves Pizza Express and will go back to Pizza Hut.  

Woman finds diet loophole by giving blood in exchange for biscuits

A WOMAN has found she can cheat her strict diet, by giving blood and then bingeing on custard creams.

Woman puzzled why 'filling up on bread' is a bad thing

A WOMAN has happily filled up on delicious bread in a restaurant without  a care in the world.  

Couple who only 'eat local' mostly eat cabbage

A COUPLE who pride themselves on buying fruit and vegetables grown locally eat only cabbages for eight months of the year.

Man misses 12-minute window on 'perfectly ripe' avocado

A MAN has missed the 12-minute window on a ‘perfectly ripe’ avocado.