Health

IN a bid to encourage exercise, calorific food must now be sold in packaging that weighs at least 30kg.

WITH death rates at their lowest ever level, the government is encouraging you to die.

FOR Christ's sake stop touching each other with your filthy hands, experts have warned.

COMPLAIN all you want, Switzerland doesn't care, it emerged last night.

REPORTS that a cat-borne parasite can seriously harm humans have been greeted with indifference by cats.

EXTREMELY low standards in your choice of partner are the key to a good sex life, it has been claimed.

MALE hair loss-related anxiety can be cured by growing a pair of balls and getting on with it, it has emerged.

BLOWJOBS are the answer to all problems according to a new scientific study which every man in the Western world has circled in red in the Metro and presented eagerly to his partner.