Health

BRITAIN is set to become a nation of sponge eaters after reading the first two paragraphs of a story about cancer.

BEATING cancer involves less chatty and more cooky, according to new research.

PUB chain Wetherspoons is to open outlets in accident and emergency departments for injured brawlers who want another drink.

THE National Health Service is now mainly employed as a device for extracting fat from chocoholics, experts have claimed.

CHRISTIAN doctors are regularly sending patients home with a course of Testament, according to new research.

EXPERTS have issued new guidelines for live TV gaffe recovery after Tomasz Schafernaker almost took his eye out with an emergency middle finger retraction.

THE campaign to legalise drugs was today backed by someone whose only qualification is to know exactly what he is talking about.

THE deadly new superbug that is going kill you by Friday is not even British, it emerged last night.

GISELE Bundchen has been urged to boost her breastfeeding campaign by coming to people's houses and showing them how it's done.

FUNDING for crone divination should be scrapped, the British Medical Council said last night.