Health

BRITAIN'S hospitals have been replaced by massive holes in the ground, it has emerged.

YOU never know what's going to happen so you might as well eat a load of crisps, doctors said last night.

MURDERING an ageing relative has never been simpler, it was confirmed last night.

WOMAN are being pressurised into emulating unrealistic levels of brainless folly, according to a new report.

THE government has backed down on ideologically-driven changes to the NHS and will now overhaul the health service 'because'.

READING Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld saga back to front makes you want to commit suicide, supporters of unbearable pain said last night.

SCIENTISTS believe they are closer to curing sex addiction after identifying an unusually high incidence among rich, ageing men.

AN inquiry was launched last night into why it has taken more than a week to trace the Ecoli outbreak to the foulest of all vegetables.

THERE were fresh concerns about Britain last night after officials found it necessary to remind fully-grown humans to wash their hands after going to the lavatory.

HAVING a mobile phone strapped to your head will produce money-making brain vitamins, investment bankers were assured last night.