Health

A NEW vaccine designed to treat cocaine addiction also produces a pleasant, drifty feeling that you could very easily get used to, it emerged last night.

MOST fat people are unaware they are overweight because they spend all their money on cheesy pies instead of a mirror, according to a new survey.

A SATAN-worshipping nurse is facing the sack after summoning flesh-eating homunculi during working hours.

AVERAGE life expectancy can be extended by up to 10 years as long as you are willing to reek like a Frenchman, it was claimed last night.

THERE were calls last night for a national debate over whether or not Britain really needs doctors.

THE fewer NHS doctors and nurses you have the more patients you can treat, according to a government commissioned report.

THE ailing NHS is to be kicked into shape using an array of characters from Street-Fighter 2, it was confirmed last night.

A TERMINALLY ill woman has won a landmark court victory giving her the right to be blown up by the Army.

A STUDY of habitual snorers has found that they do it just to be a right pain in the arse.

DRUNK people sleep so well they are often late for work, experts have claimed.