Health

THE campaign to legalise drugs was today backed by someone whose only qualification is to know exactly what he is talking about.

THE deadly new superbug that is going kill you by Friday is not even British, it emerged last night.

GISELE Bundchen has been urged to boost her breastfeeding campaign by coming to people's houses and showing them how it's done.

FUNDING for crone divination should be scrapped, the British Medical Council said last night.

THE fat that is in food could be the same as the fat that is in people, experts claimed last night.

GP waiting times are to be scrapped so doctors can prioritise based on a patient's potential to disrupt their wine shopping.

SPENDING the night in an NHS hospital is better than living on the street, according to Britain's most demented vagrant.

BRITAIN has vowed to beat any alcohol price hike by distilling its own booze from junk food leftovers.

FERAL packs of surplus nurses are to be culled by NHS managers.

GOVERNMENT health officials say the receipt for 30 million useless swine flu vaccines is definitely around somewhere.