Health

SMOKERS have urged Bill Gates to produce a range of software that doesn't have them reaching for a cigarette every time it crashes.

BOTTLES and cans of alcohol are to carry labels warning consumers they could end up shitfaced.

A NEW prostate cancer drug which could save thousands of lives is still not as good as The Wire, critics said last night.

TEENAGERS are being urged to sponge themselves thoroughly following a sharp increase in young person's sex diseases.

THE British government is in the grip of a chronic addiction to prescription painkillers, experts claimed last night.

ACUPUNCTURE is extremely effective at making tiny holes all over the body, the biggest ever study of the ancient Chinese remedy has revealed. 

CIRCUSES across the world were celebrating last night after a bearded lady give birth to a baby girl.

AMY Winehouse has blamed her emphysema on years of working as a coal miner in South Wales, her father Mitch revealed last night. 

AN increase in health complaints among lesbians suggests they may be doing it wrong, the British Medical Association said last night.

CRAVINGS for alcohol are best reduced by alcohol, alcoholics said last night.