Health

A MAN dragged away from a group of six people by armed Covid marshalls is desperately pleading that he does not know them.

THE coronavirus has admitted being a bit confused about who it is allowed to infect in England, Scotland and Wales under new rules.

WORRIED you may still trust your own judgement rather than blindly following instructions from renowned logician Boris Johnson? Try these hypothetical scenarios: 

AS a socially responsible Guardian reader, it’s your duty to prevent young people harming themselves at weekend raves. But how? Here are your questions answered.

RIGHT-WING journalists are scouring the country in a desperate attempt to find anyone who believes in Boris Johnson’s ‘moonshot’. 

BOLTONERS are overjoyed that they cannot have a night out in Bolton for the foreseeable future.

RAIL operators are to protect passengers with brain cells by introducing carriages exclusively for twats who refuse to wear face masks.

A WOMAN using homeopathy to treat the coronavirus she has caught is glad she was not vaccinated against it because it might be dangerous.

THE government has told worried parents to think of their children returning to a possibly deadly school environment as an exciting science project.

FOR Britons aged between 25 and 39 the chance of dying from coronavirus is as remote as one day owning property, the government has reassured.