Health

DO you think you’re ‘cutting down’ by pretending to smoke less than you do? Here’s how to convince yourself and other people.

A BABY’s earliest memory will be of his mother dropping her iPhone on his head when she was feeding him.

A LUCKY bastard without kids was so sick he spent three uninterrupted days in bed recovering.

AN office worker is going around sneezing and then blatantly touching things, co-workers have confirmed.

A WOMAN has admitted that the main reason she is having a baby is to quit the booze for nine months.

FOR the third year in a row a woman has paid the entry fee for a half-marathon she will not actually run.

A MAN is heading off on lunchtime runs as if he is training to join the Royal Marine Commandos even though he works in an office.

CHILDREN tired of being told to have an apple whenever they are hungry are calling for fruit to no longer be classified as a snack.

A MAN has joined the gym with the aim of shedding as much of his personality as possible.

THE consumption of rosé has been banned for the next seven months, pending a review at Easter.