Health

ACCIDENT and emergency services can now only be accessed via the internet, the government has announced.

NOBODY at Heathrow looks fit and well, according to doctors screening for Ebola.

THE decline of smoking has left many Britons unsure when sex has finished.

THE Daily Mail and its website are addictive, paranoia-inducing and a gateway to more extreme forms of behaviour, according to experts.

IF anyone in the UK is going to get ebola it should be the contestants on BBC1’s The Apprentice, according to COBRA.

THE second annual Bring A Virus To Work Day has seen more than 19.5m new infections across the UK.

THE British Ebola survivor is to return to Africa because he has another four insane diseases on his to-do list.

SOME surgeons have been found to be fully conscious and responding to stimuli while performing operations.

DRINKERS are furious about being unable to predict the severity of their hangovers.

REGULARLY eating food protects against death, it has emerged.