Health

ELDERLY people are to get vital heart exercise from people jumping out of their cupboards dressed as the undead.

THE entire population of the UK has moved downstairs to sleep inside the fridge.

GOTHS have warned against exposure to sunlight during and after the heatwave.

DESIGN guru Jony Ive, the man behind the iPod and iPhone, has signed up to design the new featureless cigarette packaging.

MUSCLE-BUILDING steroids have been confirmed as this decade's defining drug.

MORE than 20% of buildings that claim to be hospitals are nothing of the kind, it has emerged.

FANATICAL public health campaigners may be mentally ill, it has emerged.

PIG fat is back in vogue as a sexual lubricant, it has emerged.

SCOTTISH children may die if schools can only serve them deep fried food once a week, it has been claimed.

A THIRD of the UK on the edge of developing Type II diabetes then went ahead and got it.