Health

WAITROSE cafe customers have fallen ill after drinking coffee contaminated with bourgeois values.

THE NHS is to ease the rules on liver transplants so that Britain will still have enough people.

ANTI-SMOKING campaigners have called for a ban on anything that can be sucked.

FOOD scientists have turned nutrition on its head by claiming that eating vegetables may be a good idea.

ADVERTS which give parents no choice but to pump their children full of sugar and fat 24 hours a day are to be banned.

YOUR health is not especially important, according to a new study.

MILK alternatives made from soya, quinoa and flax are best suited to special people, it has been confirmed.

MILLIONS are running until their legs give out just for something to do.

BRAWLING is the most effective way to shed excess weight, according to doctors.

THE people who were utterly convinced that fat was the worst thing are now utterly convinced that it is sugar.