Health

Britain Hit By Obscenity Epidemic

BRITAIN is in the middle of an obscenity epidemic with most people expected to be foul-mouthed ‘fuckers’ by 2050, according to latest government estimates. 

Men Should Have Sex Every Day, Say Men

MEN should have sex every day, according to the latest scientific research by men.

Fat People More Dangerous Than Atomic Bomb

FAT people are now more destructive than the atomic bomb and will soon crush the earth to death – unless they eat if first, health secretary Alan Johnson said last night.

Drinking Boiled Twigs Will Not Cure Cancer, Say Docs

BOILING up a bag of foul smelling old twigs sold to you by a man who has no medical knowledge will not cure you of cancer, a shock new report claims today. 

Brain Cleaning 'Next Big Thing' For Busy Profesionals

BUSY professionals can now get their brains cleaned at their desks under a new mind-valet service launched yesterday by Rentokil.

Chocolate 'Stops Lazy People From Lying'

A LARGE bar of milk chocolate stops lazy people from telling lies about how exhasuted they are, new research suggests. 

Giving Birth 'A Doddle' Says Government

CHILDBIRTH is to be made longer and more painful amid fresh claims it has been 'dumbed-down' to meet Government targets.

Personal Superbugs For All, Pledges Johnson

EVERY NHS patient will be allocated a hospital acquired infection with their name on it, under government plans for a personal health service. 

Millions Suffer From Carol Vorderman Intolerance

MILLIONS of people in the UK have a genuine intolerance for Carol Vorderman, new research suggests.

Opal Fruits Count Towards Five-A-Day, Confirm Experts

DIETARY experts have moved to end confusion over healthy eating by confirming that a packet of Opal Fruits does count towards the five-a-day target.