Man trying to convince wife he needs a flamethrower

A MAN is desperately trying to convince his wife that he needs to spend £500 on a 'compact' flamethrower.  

Woman who 'loves hoovering' will never be able to hoover away her terrible secret

A WOMAN who claims she ‘loves hoovering’ is trying to erase something deeply sinister from her past, her husband suspects.

Job interviewer pretends neck-tattooed dickhead has a chance

A JOB interviewer was forced to pretend a candidate with a tattoo on his neck was just like any other candidate.

Wife delighted to discover husband ended up in nightclub

A WIFE was thrilled to discover her husband ended up in a club after a few post-work drinks escalated to drug taking and dance music, it has emerged.

Man who likes airports would be okay with fascism

A MAN who has no problem going through airport security would thrive under the Nazis, his friends have claimed.

Woman goes on mini break while her husband has a shit

A WOMAN is enjoying a long weekend in Barcelona while her husband does his morning shit.

Jubilation as ex-banker’s artisan tearoom in Cotswolds goes tits up

THERE was unconfined joy as an ex-banker relocated from London to the countryside only to see his venture fail within six months.

Instagram's Rich Kids of Cornwall proudly display their fish, nuts and berries

INSTAGRAM'S 'Rich Kids of Cornwall' have been showing off their nuts, fish and berries on the social network.

Man tells usual Friday lie about not spending entire weekend playing videogames

A 28-YEAR-OLD has once again pretended he has genuine plans for the weekend.

Britain marks Epiphany with weekend of Christmas dregs

BRITAIN is celebrating the day Christ was revealed as God incarnate by consuming a bottle of Bailey’s, some manky chocolates and a recording of Judi Dench: A Passion for Trees.