Lifestyle

Five ways to get to sleep when two bottles of Merlot isn't cutting it

DO you struggle to sleep at night and booze just perks you up so you can fret about not being asleep? Here are some alternative ideas to help you nod off.

Homegrown weed shit again

A MAN’S homegrown weed has turned out to be absolutely unsmokeable crap yet again, his friends have confirmed.

Dinner guests pretending they can't smell litter tray

GUESTS at a dinner party are pretending they cannot smell the litter tray stench in the house.

Six reasons why you might as well say 'f**k it'

ARE you still trying? Really? Even after everything that’s happened? Well, good for you I guess, but in case you were just searching for a decent excuse here are six reasons why you should just give up now.

Man tries to convince everyone his homemade bread was worth the hassle

A MAN is desperately trying to convince everyone the bread he made from scratch is far nicer than a farmhouse loaf from a shop.

How are you not living up to your parents' expectations?

ARE you a bitter disappointment to your parents despite being showered with love and money throughout your childhood? Read our guide and find out.

'Going somewhere?' voted last thing hostages want to hear after finally chewing through ropes

'GOING somewhere?' has been voted the last thing a hostage wants to hear after they have finally managed to chew through the rope that has held them captive for eight weeks.

'Why are you drinking at home?' say overpriced pubs full of twats

BRITAIN’S pubs have criticised the public for drinking cheap supermarket booze when they could be supporting their hellish local hostelry.

Woman on payday acting like eccentric heiress

A WOMAN who has just been paid  is acting like an eccentric heiress from the 1920s, it has emerged.

Woman admits sex was never as exciting as her new Dyson

A WOMAN who spent over £300 on a new vacuum cleaner does not mind admitting that using it is more satisfying than any sex she has ever had in her life.