Lifestyle

PARENTS of a newborn have found they are still able to pursue their passions at 3am seated on the toilet.

A TOTAL ars*hole couple demand that everyone remove their shoes before entering their home.

A DUCK that is only eating sourdough bread has turned into a right bellend, it has been confirmed.

A COUPLE who tried to make a 'fast, easy mid-week supper recipe' from the Guardian recipe are still cooking it almost eight days later.

A WOMAN woman is still using two separate products to clean and condition her hair like some kind of arsehole, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who walked into a building full of young people working on Macbooks on wooden tables is unsure whether she should buy a coffee or ask for start-up funding.

A MAN’S attempt to use a proudly independent record shop and cafe near his home was regretted within moments of walking in, he has confirmed.

A WOMAN invited to a night round a friend’s house drinking ‘fizz’ and watching a romcom is looking into faking her own death to dodge it.

THE realm of Hades itself has finally been brought to our earthly plane at this weekend’s Download festival, attendees have agreed. 

HAVE you watched stylish chameleon assassin Villanelle in Killing Eve and decided you could probably pull off that one outfit, the one with the hat? Think again.