Lifestyle

A TEENAGE boy really wants everybody to know he enjoys a toke, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE turning 40 are being warned that hangovers now include a distressing mid-life crisis that could last for years.

A MEAL was turned into a massive pain in the arse by a man obsessed with splitting the bill fairly.

A SAFETY helmet will not protect a man from the shame of taking up a child's hobby at the age of 42, it has emerged.

PEOPLE who say they or anyone else has “got their smarts” should fuck off, everyone has decided.

A COUPLE with a completely unremarkable semi-detached two-bedroom house still insist on giving guests ‘the grand tour’.

PEOPLE who use a ludicrous number of exclamation marks have refused to write in a less annoying style.

A COUPLE have moved to a small village so that they can enjoy fresh air, long walks, and catching a train to work at an insanely early hour.

A FAMILY that exists in a state of filthy chaos has agreed that it would be great to get a third dog.

THE only way to stop a disgusting stranger sitting next to you on the train is to be that disgusting stranger. Here’s our guide to ensuring peace and quiet on your journey.