Lifestyle

MEN can 'have it all' according to a 38-year-old who managed to masturbate twice before work.

IT’S boiling hot, you’re sticky and total b*stards keep driving past in their noisy cars. Try getting a cool seven hours with these tips. 

A WOMAN driving in the heatwave is so sweaty she is wondering whether it is possible she might have actually p*ssed herself. 

DO you feel the need to argue obscure points that genuinely intelligent people don’t waste their time with? Here are some great things to bang on about.

A SIX-year-old girl was left distraught after the d*ckhead tooth fairy went to the pub and forgot to take her tooth.

A MAN in his mid-30s thought all his mates were joking about having pension plans, he has admitted.

SIX weeks is longer than you get off in a year, but for anyone aged between four and 16 it’s just summer. Here’s how to keep them busy.

A DRIVER is committed to reaching a car park ticket machine without leaving his car or opening the door, no matter the cost. 

A 32-YEAR-OLD man has spent the last three hours trapped inside a pair of super-skinny jeans in a changing room.

THE gimp-suited prowler of Somerset’s identity remains a mystery but, let’s face it, he or she will be a Conservative MP. But which?