Lifestyle

A WOMAN who carried out a declutter has been left with only her phone, duvet and vibrator.

A 24-YEAR-OLD living in London cannot wait to meet her 32 new rodent housemates, she has confirmed.

A WOMAN who only went into Lidl for a pint of milk has left the store with a patio heater, a fondue set and a faux fur throw.

A MAN with a large, carefully manicured moustache says he wishes people would pay less attention to it.

I SHOULD have known better than to peek, but I couldn’t help myself. And now Christmas is ruined, because everyone has bought me all the wrong things from my Amazon wish list.

PEOPLE who spend hours making a fire have been reminded they could just put the bloody heating on.

BRITAIN’S middle class families are drawing up plans to wait as long as possible before opening their presents on Christmas Day.

ARTISAN gin manufacturers have no idea if there are any palatable flavours left, they have admitted.

A WOMAN has diligently kept her colleagues updated on the exact number of minutes of sleep she is getting each night.

A MAN wearing chinos must somehow be unaware of all the other kinds of trousers in the world, it has been claimed.