Lifestyle

SIX weeks is longer than you get off in a year, but for anyone aged between four and 16 it’s just summer. Here’s how to keep them busy.

A DRIVER is committed to reaching a car park ticket machine without leaving his car or opening the door, no matter the cost. 

A 32-YEAR-OLD man has spent the last three hours trapped inside a pair of super-skinny jeans in a changing room.

THE gimp-suited prowler of Somerset’s identity remains a mystery but, let’s face it, he or she will be a Conservative MP. But which?

MET someone who believes ‘gin o’clock!’ is the last word in wit? What a great timesaver to discovering they’re a tedious cock. Watch out for these:

SPENDING thousands on a fancy summer holiday but worried about being looked down on by your sanctimonious friends? Here’s how to get away with it.

A WOMAN who told friends organising her hen do that she did not want anything involving penis straws, sashes or getting absolutely sh*tfaced is regretting her actions.

A MAN is worried he will probably die without ever having had a proper fist fight. 

DO you have an intellectually challenged friend or relative who absolutely will not give up their belief that carrots give you night vision? Here is some other rubbish to ignore.

EVEN the most middle class families sometimes have no choice but to visit a horrendous British seaside town. Here’s how to survive the experience.